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Peer Support Saved My Life

I am an alcoholic, a drug addict, and a lawyer.  I started out highly functional despite bouts of alcohol binging and depression.  I thought I had “arrived” and was uniquely bullet-proof.   Drinking with colleagues and clients and attending cocktail-oriented legal functions became one of my favorite "parts" of my lawyer job.  That and the financial security and persona of prestige and "success".   More became constant and never enough.  My medical diagnoses (I now know) are substance use disorder, depression, anxiety, and PTSD.

Even when I was physically present, I increasingly isolated and detached (checked out).  I lived only to drink and use marijuana.  I hated myself, I hated everyone else, and I did not want to live.  Life was a dark web of misery to be endured until death, which seemed more appealing.  My physical health and appearance suffered. My marriage and work relationships became constant battle zones.  I was in denial, unreachable, and reckless. I drove drunk and high and used during "work" days and at the office.  My partners finally had to carry my workload, even try a case for me. They put me on an unrequested "leave of absence" and demanded that I have no contact with my clients. I felt humiliated and devastated. A sobbing wreck (in private but indignant and defiant outwardly), I thought my career and life were over.

Peer support saved my life and continues to help me stay healthy.  When I heard others share their own stories of addiction, mental health struggles, and despair, I no long felt alone.  These people had been there too.  They understood me.  I felt safe to share my own feelings and experiences.  They shared how they had similar feelings and experiences -- and had found hope and a way out of the darkness. They showed me how they came to live happy healthy lives and they helped me find my own way to health. Leslie Hagin highland7@msn.com